As I leap from one straw-grasping session to the next, I am reminded of the importance of maintaining hope in the face of adversity. I cannot continue to swim upstream against a current of unthinkable pain without a support system in place, and I will never find my way out of this cave without keeping a torch lit to reveal the path.
It’s been all snakes and spikes, pitfalls and peril, but some fuel is still available to burn. So I will compartmentalize to maintain sanity, and think of this as a puzzle to be solved, as opposed to a maze without exits. Toppling towers haven’t crushed me before, so there’s no reason to believe that they’ve suddenly become impossible to dodge.
I like my deck neatly stacked, with clean corners and even edges. I just prefer it’s not stacked against me.
The enigmatic nature of a lack of diagnosis might be the most bitter pill to swallow. My feet have gotten so cramped from staying on my toes, it’s no wonder I get knocked back on my heels. But some people ride a life of water slides and some get the rock walls. I’m digging into the crevices that barely fit fingers, and just hoping to hang on before I make another push.
A wily and unruly mind has certainly not helped slip the splinter from the skin, but it may be the only tool I have to ultimately vanquish a villain who occupies both the world of the brain and the body.
Far too many sleepless nights have been spent standing inside a conundrum, so a dawn delivering answers or optimism could be the first step toward regaining the person and personality I’ve lost.