Tag Archives: panic

Ditch the Greed, Find the Good

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In a world drowning in overindulgence, degeneracy, and nefariously naked malevolence,  there is one virus more deadly and culpable than any other.

Greed.

The cracks at the base of every broken heart. The desperation of drug addiction as a means of escape. The tear-stained cheeks of a starving child.  The innocent hands reaching out for compassion and finding a wall of abject antipathy. The baffling realization that a chasm constructed by an imaginary system of wealth and power to oppress, ridicule, demean, and belittle is as fragile as the egos that designed it.

This is the way we choose to occupy the literal blink of an eye opportunity we have to breathe oxygen on this planet.

Seems like the collective cost of effort, time, and resources could be better spent improving the quality of our human experience as opposed to a wild-eyed maniacal race to obtain and maintain the most toys.

Some are drowning in money, most are drowning in debt.

None of this is real. It is a giant constructed illusion to award power and influence to those at the summit. We worship the shiny silver success of excess and spend our days plotting our own path to the promised land. But most of those intrepid mountaineers stepped on the broken backs of the masses to make the ascension. 

Unable to handle the level of pain and suffering constantly endured by the innocent, the overwhelming impetus to take action is paralyzing. So I am left stopped and stalled and defeated. Frozen by the panic, size, and scope of the challenges sitting on the docket, passivity takes the place of initiative, and further down the spiral I slide. 

But a reckoning is waiting in the wings and the majority will no longer silently stand idly by, merely satisfied with the fallen scraps dropped from fortunate tables.

Adolescence Interrupted

The Upsides of Downsides

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I suppose it’s emblematic of the human condition that challenges and obstacles suddenly dropped on our path normally elicit the full range of reactions. As creatures of habit and ritual, we prefer to wrap ourselves in a blanket of familiarity and tend to avoid any variables that pose a threat to our safety or survival. I’m sure it’s somehow wired into our DNA, so we have Homo habilis to thank for the butterflies in our belfries.

But maybe there’s a hidden benefit to that knee-jerk panic response that sends the heart rate racing. Our bodies are being primed for evaluation, either internally or externally. We’re forced to take a moment of pause to assess and decide. So it might be wise to embrace those sweaty palms and shaky hands.

Zooming out, this can apply to individual situations or the “life map” as a whole. Rarely do we have the luxury of smooth sailing, and deviations from the game plan are more often a burden to bear and a maze to navigate. Change is a wool sweater on bare skin, and any progress takes some itching. There’s no such thing as painless growth, only growing pains.

Closing a chapter feels much different than writing it. I’m sprinting toward a checkered flag that was years in the making, and some big-picture evaluation has been monopolizing my sleepless nights.

Only time guards the answers. But right now, it’s hard to see if that rapidly approaching line is labeled “start” or “finish.”

Adolescence Interrupted

An Undisturbed Life

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undisturbedLately I’ve been running a little cost-benefit analysis. Is the sanctity of an undisturbed life that seeks to iron out potential wrinkles worth the loss of occasional cage rattling, spawning growth inside of chaos?

It’s a quandary I’ve circled for a long time, and I’ve yet to find any definitive evidence pointing me in one particular direction.

Woven into my central fabric is an organized, detailed, contemplative pragmatist who pays close attention to dates and deadlines. That’s undeniable. I take great pleasure aligning my ducks and creating systems to prepare for unexpected speed bumps. I’m rarely blindsided or put in awkward situations, and I relish recording the minutiae of my surroundings.

But, on the occasions when I’ve been rudely ejected from this stainless sanctuary of a comfort zone, I have found that the lessons learned and the connections made have been exponentially rewarding. The experience was never as daunting or painful as I anticipated and I generally emerged from the other side relatively unscathed.

It is an internal battle that has been raging for as long as I care to discuss. My brain doesn’t process life in the same way as the majority of people in this world, so watching the wheels of daily behavior spin in the opposite direction has added significant weight to these already-rounded shoulders.

Ruffled feathers, detonated plans, and unexpected visitors are nerve-inducing, neuroses missiles. When I lived with roommates, I was in a state of perpetual panic, waiting for someone to walk in the door without notice. Living with a significant other was even worse. But, the hours of conversation you never thought you’d have, growing in the spur of the moment, are the treasures born from those pins and needles. There was often a yang waiting for its yin. I just couldn’t pull myself back far enough to see the big picture.

So, I’m sitting at square one, battling instinct and hardwired tendency to allow the possibility and space for the unforeseen. It is a dance I’ve learned to stumble through for most of my adult life, and it doesn’t sound like the music is stopping any time soon.

A tranquil, still pond is a peaceful, beautiful thing. But, every body of water needs a few waves.