Tag Archives: puppetmaster

The Fight

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fight1Life is a brawl, but some of us have the innate ability to pull ourselves up from the mat, even when every cell in our bodies is screaming at us to stay down. Why do some people reach for that rope while others accept defeat?

This has been a central question throughout my writing, research, and life. I’m endlessly fascinated by survivors and the wiring required to face seemingly insurmountable obstacles with the mentality that failure is an unacceptable option. It’s more than willpower and a strong constitution. The defiance to fall is born from a fire raging deep within the recesses of our memories. It’s fueled by history and circumstance.

I can only speak from personal experience, but low self-esteem and an unrelenting drive to prove myself worthy have combined to transform fragile guts to concrete. My reluctance to bow is propelled by an incessant need to demonstrate inner strength. Spitting in the face of slim odds and disheartening diagnoses became my religion. Of course, there were times when that resolve faltered, but the mentality endured. I credit the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mantra for my health and sense of purpose today.

Is this level of fight something learned? Can people be trained to be survivors or are they only built on the battlefield? Will someone without a difficult past still find the determination needed to break down walls of fear, despair, or hopelessness?

These are questions I will continue to ask in my pursuit of clarity. The human condition and the psychological puppet master pulling the strings are fascinating areas of study. Plus, what’s a day without some wildly complicated topic to obsess about?!

Adolescence Interrupted

Seeing the Sometimes Rainbow

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rainbow2There are moments when it seems like each puzzle piece has fallen perfectly into place. No square pegs are trying desperately to squeeze into position, and no rogue idea or action is fighting against the flow of the grain.

These instances are incredibly uncommon and this realization is best evidenced by almost every entry on this blog since the beginning of 2014. Existence is often an uphill climb with little thrill in the arms-in-the-air relief from the drop on the other side. We plot and plan, toil and till with some hope that the efforts made will cultivate a crop worth preserving. But uncontrollable variables generally have ideas of their own.

So, I’m overjoyed to report that this summer has offered a respite from the incessant slingshot. For the first time in a long time, positive energy met positive momentum and that dynamic duo has paved a rare golden road of hope, confidence, promise, and self-satisfaction. This was years in the making, but I’m finally able to harvest the fruits of my labor.

Possibilities have taken the place of pigeonholes and the vulnerability is something I can embrace, as opposed to shelter. The key is to maximize the momentum and fuel the fire. I’m far too familiar with the frosty chill that accompanies a stalled trajectory.

So, with steady eyes and a helpful boost from the universal puppet master, I’m walking down a self-generated path. Head high. Focus set. A road of my own creation. A purpose born from pain.

This smog-laden air never smelled so sweet.

Adolescence Interrupted