My World Never Feels Safe…And Now I’m Right

The roads are all lined with eggshells. Tiptoes and feather steps, thinking back to a time when sidewalk cracks were the only items on a list of things to avoid.

Leaving a house full of physical walls to venture outside into a world of imaginary ones is a nasty little mind trick to navigate.

For many years I have maintained some semblance of sanity by following a specific series of patterns, habits, and concocted restrictive rules to live among the “normals,” and do my best to blend. Now, everyone else has systems, and there’s just too much competing static to cut clean s-curves without a face full of powder.

Monkey bar-swinging from one brain surgery to the next has saddled this lanky lad with a backpack full of trauma, and it’s a daily challenge to keep those shoulders back. But when that carefully calibrated balance is disrupted, and uncontrollable variables are added to the recipe, the already-crispy cookies in the oven tend to emerge blackened and burned.

If the personal side effects of this historic snapshot are nothing more than increased worry, discomfort, and agitation, I will consider myself incredibly lucky. Countless victims of this global tidal wave would gladly trade everything for a little increased anxiety.

Nervousness is temporary. Asphyxiation is not.

This is Chapter One. We are wading into dangerous waters, and we’re not even waist-deep. Stay vigilant. Stay clean. Stay supported.

Stay safe.

Adolescence Interrupted

2 thoughts on “My World Never Feels Safe…And Now I’m Right”

  1. Oh, Blair, I can only imagine. Please know that I think of you often. When we get through all of this, I hope that I will see you and your Mom.
    Meanwhile, do be careful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hoping the same for you, Ellen. Being an introverted remote editor and writer has never seemed smarter or more appropriate for these turbulent times, but everything has its limits. Dying to get back on those tennis courts! We will all return to normalcy…eventually. Wishing you safety and peace of mind until that day arrives. I know how social and engaged you are with the world. This must be torture for you! Please stay healthy and optimistic. Sending my very best to you and the family.


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