Saying Goodbye

balloon1At this point, it’s probably pretty obvious that I’m not a big fan of saying goodbye to the constants in my world. Chasing an elusive dream of stasis has proved disappointing and disheartening, and this latest realization has added another slap to an already-bruised face.

I have built a core group of friends that I can say without hesitation is the most supportive, open, caring, and genuine collection of males you will ever find in our modern, self-obsessed, and apathetic society. These men have been in my life for the last 12-17 years, and we are a circle that has defied all male stereotypes, rejecting the notion of “bros,” eschewing emotional safeguarding, and almost always choosing hugs over handshakes.

We have been an intricate and intimate puzzle with interchangeable pieces, falling in and out of the picture when love, work, and commitments dictated our level of contact. We welcomed new members and did our best to embrace rookies into the fold. But, the foundation was constructed from memories and moments, and regardless of connections made later in life, there is a finite number of people who have genuine shared history.

I have been guilty of taking these relationships for granted, assuming they would always be waiting for me when needed. I wanted to believe the band would look and sound the same, regardless of time. The comfort of knowing my most valued friendships all resided in the same city was like a giant security blanket. Even when I wasn’t around it, I was still protected from the cold.

Now, a vital member of the collective is leaving. The news was a mild surprise, having known the prospect was on the table. But, the sadness and nostalgia accompanying the announcement are more than I expected. Some of my earliest and most cherished LA memories and experiences are directly credited to the bond we built and the easy alliance born from the most unexpected common ground.

Those tennis days and music nights were some of my happiest. Even when I was barely working, struggling to navigate the financial hills and (mostly) valleys of this city, he was the one person who visited me each weekend. Breaking the loneliness and monotony of those stress-heavy weeks by hitting some forehands and sharing a quick lunch meant the world to me. I don’t know if he ever knew that. I hope he does now.

People grow and change and move. Life is lived out of a box, and there are adventures waiting for this wide-eyed explorer. But, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to honor the transparency of this blog and admit that dry eyes have not accompanied this post.

Losing some comfortable life consistency is nothing compared to losing a friend.

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2 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye”

  1. So beautifully written, straight from your heart, Blair. May I share with you this from John O’Donohue’s “To Bless the Space Between Us”…

    May you be blessed with good friends,
    And learn to be a good friend to yourself,
    Journeying to that place in your soul where
    There is love, warmth and feeling,
    May this change you.

    May it transfigure what is negative, distant,
    Or cold within your heart.

    May you be brought into real passion, kindness,
    And belonging.

    May you treasure your friends.
    May you be good to them, be there for them
    And receive all the challenges, truth, and light you
    need.

    May you never be isolated but know the embrace
    Of your anam cara.

    Like

  2. Thank you, Ellen. That’s very apropos right now. I know life is about perspective and enjoying and respecting the times shared. I just hate to see good things come to an end. But, that is the reality of living. Holding things so tightly they can’t escape doesn’t often foster much growth. This is simply another lesson learned, and I’m grateful for that.

    Like

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