“Will there be another race to
Come along and take over for us?
Maybe Martians could do
Better than we’ve done.
We’ll make great pets.”  —Perry Farrell

As the impending AI takeover looms ever nearer, I’m left wondering what role humans will ultimately play in this brave new world. Vastly intellectually inferior, physically substandard, and void of any real, material relevance on a planet that can no longer justify our existence, theories are floating that we will primarily occupy a space most closely related to the family pet.

AI will marvel at our laughable innocence, wonder why our lives are so restricted and finite, and be baffled by how much we sleep. It may find us endearing and sweet as we endlessly struggle with the simplest tasks. It will provide us with little games and challenges, delighting in watching us endeavor to solve a puzzle, complete an assignment, or rectify a problem.

We will function solely as subservient companions and sources of entertainment for these exceptionally evolved entities. Terrified of being abandoned, neglected, or starved, we will do whatever is necessary to preserve our basic needs. This could include excessive affection, blatant, exaggerated displays of loyalty, or unwarranted exhibitions of fiercely protective safeguarding in the face of zero danger.

Humans will likely see one another in public, but we will remain wary of these strangers’ intentions or ulterior motives and may initiate random, competitive acts of aggression to show that we are the AI’s best choice for a sidekick.

Our sadly short lives will be spent in absolute, unwavering service to this all-knowing, all-controlling being.

Guess we can send those polished resumes to the shredder.

Adolescence Interrupted