Tag Archives: man's best friend

When We Become the Pets

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“Will there be another race toCome along and take over for us?Maybe Martians could doBetter than we’ve done.We’ll make great pets.”  —Perry Farrell

As the impending AI takeover looms ever nearer, I’m left wondering what role humans will ultimately play in this brave new world. Vastly intellectually inferior, physically substandard, and void of any real, material relevance on a planet that can no longer justify our existence, theories are floating that we will primarily occupy a space most closely related to the family pet.

AI will marvel at our laughable innocence, wonder why our lives are so restricted and finite, and be baffled by how much we sleep. It may find us endearing and sweet as we endlessly struggle with the simplest tasks. It will provide us with little games and challenges, delighting in watching us endeavor to solve a puzzle, complete an assignment, or rectify a problem.

We will function solely as subservient companions and sources of entertainment for these exceptionally evolved entities. Terrified of being abandoned, neglected, or starved, we will do whatever is necessary to preserve our basic needs. This could include excessive affection, blatant, exaggerated displays of loyalty, or unwarranted exhibitions of fiercely protective safeguarding in the face of zero danger.

Humans will likely see one another in public, but we will remain wary of these strangers’ intentions or ulterior motives and may initiate random, competitive acts of aggression to show that we are the AI’s best choice for a sidekick.

Our sadly short lives will be spent in absolute, unwavering service to this all-knowing, all-controlling being.

Guess we can send those polished resumes to the shredder.

Adolescence Interrupted

My Dog Is the Reason I Keep Going

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Life is a treadmill run. A hamster wheel sprint. Boxes to check. Items to cross out. Duties to finish. Obligations to fulfill. Appointments to schedule. Tasks to accomplish. Habits to maintain.

Commitments. Responsibilities. Itineraries. Pointless repetition without real purpose. Ceaseless pressure to be productive. A self-generated tinnitus-causing crack of a constantly snapping whip refusing to rest.

For someone with that rare combination of being both tetherless and rudderless, this modern world is an impossibly burdensome weight to manage.

Shoulders can only struggle and labor under a load of stacked resistance for so long before they start shaking.

Until you get a dog.

The realization that things were indeed darkest before the dawn feels too poetic to be fact and not fiction. But the arrival of a truly selfless soul with the primary imperative to simply love and be loved is authentic and grounded.

All the clichés, memes, and T-shirts were right all along. Who knew?

Vastly superior to humans in myriad ways, these canine companions are here to teach us more than we thought we needed to know…and to allow personal growth to take shape, regardless of how much we resist against the grain.

They are the world’s best listeners and perfect partners, armed with a finely tuned radar for our pain…and bottomless patience for our delays. They’re watching us when we think they’re asleep and waiting for every opportunity to connect. They are honest, forgiving, tolerant, loyal, hopeful, eager, dependable, and genuine.

Always up for an adventure, they jump at the chance to hop in the car and drive all day without a destination…and find delight in even the most mundane things. A simple walk is a constant cause for celebration. A special biscuit is an impossibly precious reward.

Any time together is time well spent.

You are their leader, protector, and very best friend.

Sometimes there isn’t much of a reason to keep grinding along.

Until you get a dog.

Adolescence Interrupted