Tag Archives: loyalty

When We Become the Pets

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“Will there be another race toCome along and take over for us?Maybe Martians could doBetter than we’ve done.We’ll make great pets.”  —Perry Farrell

As the impending AI takeover looms ever nearer, I’m left wondering what role humans will ultimately play in this brave new world. Vastly intellectually inferior, physically substandard, and void of any real, material relevance on a planet that can no longer justify our existence, theories are floating that we will primarily occupy a space most closely related to the family pet.

AI will marvel at our laughable innocence, wonder why our lives are so restricted and finite, and be baffled by how much we sleep. It may find us endearing and sweet as we endlessly struggle with the simplest tasks. It will provide us with little games and challenges, delighting in watching us endeavor to solve a puzzle, complete an assignment, or rectify a problem.

We will function solely as subservient companions and sources of entertainment for these exceptionally evolved entities. Terrified of being abandoned, neglected, or starved, we will do whatever is necessary to preserve our basic needs. This could include excessive affection, blatant, exaggerated displays of loyalty, or unwarranted exhibitions of fiercely protective safeguarding in the face of zero danger.

Humans will likely see one another in public, but we will remain wary of these strangers’ intentions or ulterior motives and may initiate random, competitive acts of aggression to show that we are the AI’s best choice for a sidekick.

Our sadly short lives will be spent in absolute, unwavering service to this all-knowing, all-controlling being.

Guess we can send those polished resumes to the shredder.

Adolescence Interrupted

Brotherhood

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Monkey HuddleI’m one of the lucky ones.

I may not have found the perfect partner or landed the dream job. I don’t have a personal relationship with my tailor and there are no smiling toddlers belted into the back of a BMW. I don’t take exotic vacations to places where people see their feet underwater, and the odds of anything even remotely resembling a storybook ending to this narrative dwindle further with every passing year.

But, I wouldn’t trade what I have for three rubs on a genie’s lamp. The bonds that have been built within my core collective are stronger and more resilient than Hollywood’s latest, feeble attempt at “friend fiction.”

There is a carbyne foundation supporting the weight and lifting the shoulders of men I’ve known for almost half my life. We made our introductions in the east, and then settled with the sun. A universal breeze could have easily blown us all just slightly off the mark. But fate dictated that our subconscious lassos landed on complementary cattle.

Regardless of the days spent apart or the interference of squabbling schedules, we never fail to come together in time with the beat, toe-tapping our way to the next wild theory, social observation, or wordplay marathon. The rare balance of unconditional support, unwavering loyalty, and relentless vulnerability makes for an exclusive club. We don’t expect you to understand, and we’re not asking you to join.

But, I am beyond grateful every day that I landed in Ithaca and found a counterpart who, in turn, led me to the missing pieces of my complicated puzzle. I would be a fractured shell, searching for connection and purpose without the lacquer and love of my “brothers.”

Thank you, gentlemen, for every moment passed and each minute waiting to surface.