“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.” —Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)
Freedom. Free will. Agency over our own journey. Personal preference. Knowing when to say when.
Why are the fundamental, core decisions about how and when we choose to exit our experience on this planet restricted by laws, moral codes, religious beliefs, or societal pressure?
We never seem to shut up about liberty, independence, and the right to live as we choose. Yet, when the topic of dictating how and when we finally raise that white flag and throw our towel into the center of the ring arises, we are met with nothing but restrictions, moral shaming, and attempts at obstruction. Where’s the autonomy?
It doesn’t feel very tolerant or compassionate to prevent someone in pain from trying to end their agony.
Medical vs mental. Is one more precious or protected? I have suffered debilitating effects from both sides of that coin. But differentiating physical torture endured during sleepless days and nights (feeling like your head will literally explode, locked in the vice-like grip of unabating pressure) from the runaway, insomniac thoughts leading you down abandoned psychological train tracks into some nightmarish wasteland of fabricated conjecture and endlessly cycling projection is nearly impossible when you’re in the grips of either scenario…and your body and mind can’t distinguish between the two varieties of distress.
Dr. Kevorkian was a goddamn saint…and even he faced unceasing ire and interminable scrutiny from a population (and legal system) unwilling to accept that sometimes people are at the very end of their frayed rope. They should not be forced to tolerate unyielding torment simply because archaic laws are chaining them to the walls of their pain.
So what does that say about psychological or emotional duress? Since the misery we can clearly see is met with scrutiny and a reluctance to permit any justifiable attempts at cessation, there is an exponential level of resistance to suicide and someone’s personal choice to dismount the merry-go-round of heartache and trauma. For some reason, the deterioration of the body does not hold the same weight or importance as the degeneration of the mind.
So, when do we leave the party? If we want to close the chapter on our own terms, we need to be okay with the roadblocks, objections, and disapproval. This world doesn’t want to end our pain. It wants to control our actions. If there is no fear of what’s waiting on the other side, then there is no reason not to proceed.
When that pot of hurt finally boils over, and there’s no way to clean the mess, an Irish goodbye doesn’t seem like the worst exit strategy.
Solitary Alignment 