Tag Archives: artist

A Grind Against the Grain

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“Get your money in when you have the best of it. Protect it when you don’t. Don’t give anything away. That’s how I paid my way through half of law school. A true grinder. You see, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I’ve learned this: if you’re too careful, your whole life can become a fuckin’ grind.”  —Rounders (1998)

The daily grind vs effortless ease.

Push against the grain or go with the flow?

We are constantly confronted by the question of which path will ultimately lead to some semblance of peace and happiness. Play it safe or swing for the fences? Security or scintillation? Gravity or grandeur?

As a creative person who lived for a long time among a sea of artists, performers, and divergent thinkers, I watched the exhilaration born from imaginative achievement as often as I witnessed the crushing weight of defeat when those targets missed their marks.

There is an inherent “survivor hardwiring” in the bones of those who are willing to literally lay everything on the line for the chance to blaze their own path and express what’s simmering at the core of their soul. The idea of any looming extinguisher rarely factors into their plans or motivations. If those inevitable roadblocks were visible at the starting line, the meritocratic marathon would never begin.

But there comes a time when those ruby slippers are sent back to a black-and-white closet to live out their remaining years far from the Technicolor glory day glow of center-stage spotlights and endless applause.

Is it white flag acquiescence? Dour defeatism? Or is there a certain level of relief knowing that some steady predictability can often fill a void we may not have known even existed?

There is a consistent comfort in certainty, even if the adrenaline rush of diving into the dark without any knowledge of the depth pales in comparison.

At least there’s less chance of impact when we realize the pool has been drained.

Adolescence Interrupted

Cutting Through the Static

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We’re often told to stay on the path. Avoid distraction. Maintain focus. Keep our eyes on the prize. I won’t dispute that these pieces of advice are apt reminders, but the real challenge is putting the prospect into practice.

Deterrents and impediments wait for us at every turn. As if intentionally constructed by the principal designer behind Double Dare’s demented obstacle course, unthinkable pitfalls lie in wait beneath far too many piles of leaves. Many days can feel like a fever dream of implausible coincidences, cleverly choreographed in the control room of The Truman Show. We duck and spin and bounce off these padded pillars that seem specifically situated to reroute us from our plotted course.

We chalk most missed catches up to fate or universal interference, but there are lessons living in the midst of that hazy smoke screen. Tasks wait to be tackled. Puzzles long to be solved.

So, how do we maintain a consistent level of perseverance, despite the flying pies? It’s not a question easily answered, but I have found that the higher the tower of obstacles is stacked, the faster it produces an exponential growth effect. As a way of fighting the impending wave of overwhelming water, never look at every brick in the tower at once.

Take a deep breath, and attack one task and one challenge at a time. Appreciate the satisfaction felt from checking off each box, slowly and deliberately, when the job is complete.

I have remained on this path, the wind whipping in my face, for a long time. Despite the sometimes frightening financial hurdles, I have honored the deal I made with myself to live a creative existence because of an artistic impetus to put something out into the world. Staying true to these desires and resolutions has not made for smooth sailing, but it has anchored that distant finish line to an unwavering track. One step, and one breath, at a time.

Adolescence Interrupted

New Puzzle, New Pieces

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puzzle1

Duck and jab. Bob and weave. I thought I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a life of creative exploration. Little did I know, I was simply training to be a prizefighter. This journey has been less about producing art and more about the ability to take a punch and remain standing.

So I refuse to fall. If every path were a straight line, there would be no satisfaction at the finish. If the attainment of goals was as simplistic as checking off boxes on a list, we’d all feel grossly overcompensated for the paltry energy output and stolen shortcuts. There is a sense of earned accomplishment when the road to success is littered with landmines. Unfortunately, those bombs have a sneaky knack for detonation.

Still, this recent realignment has painted my canvas with a fresh coat of hope. I have to remember that each time barriers were built to slow my progress, I looked back fondly on those obstacles as reminders that I veered off course. Thankfully, many of those failed intentions would have been disastrous, and the universe made sure I was forced to see outside the tunnel. It’s not our job to question why one door closes, but to look carefully for the next handle to turn.

This year will be loaded with constant steps toward the light of possibility. Lessons never cease to be learned, and those scrapes and bruises give us the time and space necessary to heal and plan.

Adolescence Interrupted